A wife wrote me recently complaining that her husband kept him so busy with his work obligations and other obligations, that she was unable to be home with them. The wife claimed that her husband returned home at such late hours that their children were asleep, and that he was not home during weekends. His typical child-rearing behavior was that he would be distant and cold when he got home.
When the wife attempted to discuss this with him, he would withdraw even further and tell her that his nagging behavior and demanding nature made him want even more to leave. The tension was getting almost unbearable, and the wife began to get resentful about the husband’s departure. The children were also feeling this way, and they kept their distance from their dad at the moment. She wasn’t certain what to do. He was missing her and she missed him. However, her husband was quite recalcitrant and she was unable to get to the bottom of it.
It was right for the wife to be worried. This is an unacceptable way to live. The situation was unfavorable for any of the adults involved and certainly not for their children. Although I believed this issue was important, it would have been better for the spouse to approach the problem in a fresh and new way. This will be discussed in more detail in the next article.
Finding the Reason Your Husband Isn’t Making Enough Time for His Family The husband was clearly stressed out and had a busy job. The reality was that this was how it was and there was no way to alter it. But, his husband found time for golf and other activities with friends. These priorities seemed to have overflowed his time with his family.
But I felt certain that I would hear a different version of this story if I spoke to my husband. Men in similar situations have almost all told me they want to be able to escape from their wives and relax. In other words, men need to have regular downtime, and they feel that the family does not provide it.
Of course, the husband thought that the wife was being nagging, so he would withdraw even more when she approached the subject. The cycle kept going and got worse. It is usually obvious that somebody needs to stop and redirect the cycle. That’s what my wife should do.
Make Family Time a time to relax and decompress:You will notice a difference in the way the spouses view the same time together if you talk to them. She wants her husband to be there to support her, to give her some respite from being home all day and taking on household chores. While she wants to be with him all the time, she is feeling like she is doing it all alone.
He often views things differently from his wife. He’ll often tell you that his husband works hard 95% of all the time, which makes him tired. This is what he does when he feels like he has the time to just relax. The wife would be greatly helped if they could combine their family time and this relaxation. Both of them should find activities that are both enjoyable and allow them to spend more quality time together. It’s possible to compromise. He could play golf in the morning with his friends but then he could commit to the whole afternoon with his family.
It didn’t matter how her wife did it, she had to do it. This problem is not to be ignored. Continuing to blame the husband and issue ultimatums will only make matters worse. Intimacy could deteriorate to the point that the marriage may be in danger. The husband could pull away more. This is exactly what the wife didn’t want.
It wasn’t fair for anyone and no one was 100% happy with the arrangements. However, I believe that with some compromise things can slowly change.