How to balance your family, work and social lives
By Gene Griessman, PhD
Many of us have an image of personal balance as a set of scales in perfect balance every day. It’s a very unrealistic goal. It can lead to frustration when you have to make a schedule for family, work, and social activities. All your plans may be disrupted by an illness. Sometimes a business project requires intense work followed by slow times.
Balance requires continual adjustments, like an acrobat on a high wire who constantly shifts his weight to the right and to the left. By focusing on four main areas of your life – emotional/spiritual needs, relationships, intellectual needs and physical needs – at work and away from work, you can begin to walk the high wire safely.
Here, drawn from my conversations with many high successful Americans, are ten ideas for balancing all aspects of your life:
1. Set up an appointment for you. It is important to forget the belief that you are superior over everyone. Your organizer and calendar should not be used for meetings with other people. You deserve some time for yourself. Regularly do something you enjoy. You will feel recharged. Keep track of the appointments you have made. Kay Koplovitz, founder of USA Cable Television Network, is available on air 24/7, 7 days a week and 52 weeks per year. Koplovitz was responsible for the day-to-day operations of the cable television network for 21 year. There was always a claim against her time for more than 20 years. She protected the scheduled match of tennis just like she would business appointments.
2. You must take care of yourself. Many highly successful individuals have high levels of energy. These steps will help you increase your energy level, regardless of what it is.
Eat. Don’t skip meals. The health and vitality of your body, mind and spirit are directly related to how well you eat. An irregular eating pattern can result in a disturbed temper, anxiety, lack of creativity, or a nervous stomach.
Exercise. Highly successful individuals often speak out about the importance of regular exercise. Johnetta Cole, President of Bennett College for Women (previously president Spelman College), walks four miles every morning. This is what she calls her mobile meditation. Exercise has many positive effects on your mental, spiritual, and emotional health. You can do more work if you’re healthier and have greater stamina.
Rest. According to a psychologist who studies creative people, they sleep well and rest frequently.
3. Give yourself some room to breathe. It is not necessary to be able to do all things. Only the best things. Steve Forbes, Publisher of Forbes, taught me this lesson. “Don’t be a slave to your in-box. Just because there’s something there doesn’t mean you have to do it.”As a consequence, every night I select a few items from my extensive to-do list. “musts”For the next day. I will cross off the following day if it is not three o’clock in the morning. “musts,”It is a icing on my cake. This is an incredible psychological bonus for me.
It is okay to push yourself and be disciplined.
When you are held to the highest standard, do exactly what is required. You will become a pro and build your stamina. But, it is important to be kind to yourself. It is impossible to become 100% efficient. Ask yourself why something doesn’t work. “Did I do my best? If you did, accept the outcome. All you can do is all you can do.
4. Blur the boundaries. Some very successful people achieve balance by setting aside times or days for family, recreation, hobbies or the like. They create boundaries around certain activities and protect them. Other individuals who are just as successful do just the opposite. They blur the boundaries. Says consultant Alan Weiss, “My home is where I work. My afternoons are spent watching the kids at the pool, or out with my spouse. Working might happen on Saturday or weeknights at ten o’clock. If the spirit leads me to do so, then I’ll take them on when it is appropriate.”
Some jobs don’t lend themselves to this strategy. But blurring the boundaries is possible more often than you may think. One way is to involve people you care about in what you do. For example, many companies encourage employees to bring their spouses to conferences and annual meetings. It’s a good idea. If people who mean a great deal to you understand what you do, they can share more fully in your successes and failures. They also are more likely to be a good sounding board for your ideas.
5. Take a break. Many therapists believe that taking a break from a work routine can have major benefits for mental and physical health. Professional speaker and executive coach Barbara Pagano practices a kind of quick charge, by scheduling a day every few months with no agenda. For her, that means staying in her pajamas, unplugging the phone, watching old movie or reading a novel in bed. For that one day, nothing happens, except what she decides from hour to hour. Adds singer and composer Billy Joel, “You may need to leave the field alone at times.” Joel is describing what farmers often do: let a plot rest so the soil can replenish itself.
6. Take the road less traveled. Occasionally, get off the expressway and take a side road, literally and figuratively. That road may take you to the library or to the golf course. Do something out of the ordinary to avoid the well-worn grooves of your life. Try a new route to work, a different radio station or a different cereal. Break out of your old mold occasionally, with a new way to dress or a different hobby. The road less traveled can be a reward after a demanding event, a carrot that you reward your self with or it can be a good way to loosen up before a big event. Bobby Dodd, the legendary football coach at Georgia Tech, knew the power of this concept. While other coaches were putting their teams through brutal twice-a-day practices, Dodd’s team did their drills and practices, but then took time to relax, play touch football and enjoy the bowl sites. Did the idea work? In six straight championships games!
7. Be still. Susan Taylor, editorial director of Essence, sees to it that she has quiet time every morning. She regards it as a time for centering – for being still and listening. She keeps a paper and pen with her to jot down ideas that come to her. The way you use solitary time should match your values, beliefs and temperament. Some individuals devote a regular time each day to visualize themselves attaining their goals and dreams. Others read, pray, meditate, do yoga or just contemplate a sunrise or sunset. Whatever form it takes, time spent alone can have an enormous payoff. Achievers talk about an inner strength they find and how it helps them put competing demands into perspective. They feel more confident about their choices and more self-reliant. They discover a sense of balance, a centeredness.
8. Be a peacetime patriot. Joe Posner has achieved wealth and recognition selling life insurance. Several years ago, Posner helped form an organization in his hometown of Rochester, NY to prepare underprivileged children for school and life and, he hopes, break the poverty cycle. You may find some equally worthy way to give something back through your church, hospital, civic club, alumni association or by doing some pro bono work. Or you may help individuals privately, even anonymously. There are powerful rewards for balancing personal interests with the needs of the common good. One of the most wonderful is the sheer joy that can come from giving. Another reward is the better world that you help create.
9. Do what you love to do. As a boy, Aaron Copeland spent hours listening to his sister practice the piano because he loved music. By following that love, he became America’s most famous composer of classical must. When I asked him years later if he had even been disappointed by that choice Copeland replied, “My life was enchanting.” What a word to sum up a life. By itself, loving what you do does not ensure success. You need to be good at what you love. But if you love what you do, the time you spend becoming competent is less likely to be drudgery.
10. Focus on strategy. As important as it is, how to save time for balancing your life is not the ultimate question. That question is, “Where can I save time?” Strategy has to do with being successful – but successful at what? If others pay your salary, being strategic generally means convincing them that you are spending your time in a way that benefits them. If there is a dispute over how you should use your time, either convince the people who can reward or punish you that your idea about using time is appropriate, or look for another job. The “What are you here for? It is also a good idea to ask about your life. It’s a complete question, and it gets to the core of who you are.
How do you balance your life successfully? Ralph Waldo Emerson has a better definition.
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because I have lived. It is to be successful.
