You would guess that divorce is the leading cause of separation and dissolution in relationships. Affairs? How do you deal with money issues? Boredom is a problem I have a suggestion:
Albert Einstein once said: “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
It is easy to see in that sentence the ticking time bomb vibrating under 85% of current relationships. Let’s take a look at it.
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change.”How come? This is because if a man offers up the freedom he’s worked so hard for and invites a woman to his home, it becomes clear that this person will be his true love. Her gift brings him something that he couldn’t achieve on his own. With this woman, he envisions a life of support and love. She is likely physically attractive to him. All these elements will not change, he hopes.
“Women marry men with the hope they will change.”Ladies, let’s be honest. It is so easy to fall prey to this trait. It is easy to see man’s potential. Does he have a beer stomach? Once the ring arrives, we will push him to go to the gym. Is he making six figures? We are encouraging and supporting him to become a successful entrepreneur. He is not allowed to have his mother in his daily life. Mother’s visits end after the honeymoon. It is not what we like about his hair, haircuts, choices of golf shirts and time with the boys. This guy can be quite the catch with a bit of polish and spit. Can you spot the differences between these two quotations?
Since over thirty years, I have been working with women. More than 2,000 men I have interviewed. These statements have been confirmed by me. Let me help you to identify the source of that ticking sound if it isn’t obvious.
The person starts to lose his self-worth when he is continuously under scrutiny in order to identify all his shortcomings and faults. The life of this man is filled with constant criticism, whispered treatments, angry outbursts and tearing apart his dreams. It’s something I have seen many times. This begins as harmless suggestions that the woman believes are about him’s hygiene, fashion sense and choice of friends. It is clear that her intentions are noble. She is trying to make the life of the poor man better, right?
You can see the motivations behind these women’s efforts to be successful if you dig deeper. “better”You will find the true impetus in their relationships. Her own low self-esteem is what causes her to feel this way. Her friends and family need to be able to show her love for someone special. She married the person who was the best representation of all she had achieved. “measures up.”It is possible that his annoying qualities mirror ones she does not like. She feels by herself subconsciously. “straightening”He was thrown out. She is now addressing her own concerns.
Belittling and insulting your mate can be dangerous and even harmful. It will ultimately erode both his love and affection for you. Most affairs are started because a person needs to be loved and appreciated at all costs. The very one we love is being shut down. We must now separate them. I mean, seriously? Who gives you the right to mock the self-esteem of another person and then stomp on it?
One simple tip can help you defuse this bomb: Look at him with love and appreciation. Human. Just like you, he will make mistakes from time to time. Think back to the last time you were tempted by him to make a comment about something. Have you ever spilled the milk? Break a dish? You are late for work. You lose your car keys. It is easy to forget our imperfections and go along with a magnifying lens or a gun to shoot at our partner, waiting for them to make a mistake. There is nothing that can kill a love affair faster than a sniper gun and a magnifying glass.
Let him air. Allow him to be human. You will lose your habit of blaming and shaming him. This guy will blossom as he starts to feel loved and admired. My survey revealed that admiration and respect were two of the most desired qualities in men. Look at them and you’ll see someone who is no longer the same person.
If you are still feeling the need to control others and be in charge, it is time to improve your self-worth. Only give what you are capable of giving. There is something wrong with you if you are unable to give support, love and appreciation.
I have a favourite quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”I can assure you that if you shift your perception of him, and see him through the eyes of love, appreciation and gratitude, you will notice a change in him. However, not because of the selfish motives we discussed earlier. He will be the man HE wants to be, and your relationship will turn out as fairytales.