One time, a somewhat drunken singer approached me during a performance and asked how I was able to be such a skilled Blues singer. I had never been an alcoholic nor had I ever taken any drugs. My shows are often transformed into Mr. Kool’s House of Blues. I was forced to tell him that substance abuse isn’t what the Blues is all about. To give you the real facts about how to sing Blues, I’ll expand on that situation.
Some of the reasons for the popularity of Blues music may be explained by the literature on Blues lyrics. Legend has it that Richard Starkey, an influential philosopher and Rockstar, wrote the following: “You got to pay your dues if you want to sing the Blues, and you know it don’t come Easy”. This does indeed indicate that Blues found its roots in poverty and hardship.
Modern music took its inspiration from the Blues. Muddy waters was a Blues vocalist and great commentator. “The Blues had a baby, they named the baby Rock and Roll”. The 50’s Blues style was the beginning of rock. Blues was the first form of music for many rock artists, including Elvis and Led Zeppelin. The term R&B originally stood for “Rhythm and Blues”It is not “Rap and Bad-lyrics”It does so today.
Ebonics doesn’t require you to be able to sing Blues music, but that helps. Let me begin by saying that I believe you can do it. “singin’ the Blues”. Blues most often start with: “Woke up this morning…..”. You can be happy with: “I got a good woman”Blues are a terrible way to get started, unless there is something more depressing like “I got a good woman but she got PMS”. Blues are simple. Repeat the first sentence until you are satisfied. Next, find something that rhymes ….sort.
“Got a good woman but she got PMS”.
“Yea, got a good woman but she got PMS”.
“When she gets mean,
she scares me half to death”.
Blues does not allow for choice. “You stuck in a ditch… you stuck in a ditch… ain’t no way out… better love that bitch.”
The Blues Cars: Chevys Fords Cadillacs and old pickup trucks. Blues won’t ride in BMWs or Sports Utility Vehicles. Blues often travel by Greyhound buses or southbound trains. Company cars and jet aircraft are not in the mix. Walking is a big part of the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.
They can’t even sing the Blues as teenagers. They’re not ready for the end yet. Blues is sung by adults. Blues. “adulthood”It means that you are old enough to use an electric chair. “shot a man in Memphis”. Memphis, of course is where the Blues were born. Blues are the best! “Walking in Memphis”.
Blues are possible in New York City. But not in Hawaii, Canada. The seasonal depression that is common in Seattle and Minneapolis can be explained by difficult times. The best cities to enjoy the Blues are Chicago, Memphis, New Orleans, Kansas City, and St. Louis. If it doesn’t rain, you can’t have the blues there. As we know all, “It never rains in Southern California”.
Male pattern baldness is not something you can have. The woman with male pattern hair loss is not. Broken leg because you went skiing? That’s not how it should be. You broke your leg when an alligator bit on it.
Blues can’t be present in an office environment or at a mall. You have the wrong lighting. You can either go outside and park in the lot, or you could sit near the dumpster. The Blues are best at: Karaoke bars, Highways, Jail houses, empty beds, and the bottom of a whiskey keg. Negative places for Blues include Nordstrom’s, Gallery openings, Ivy League Institutions and Golf courses.
If you don’t wear a suit and sleep in it for at least two weeks, no one will believe you are the Blues. To wear the blues best, you should either be wearing a pair of torn overclothes or a prison uniform. You should also wear a Kool Blues cap. Blues instruments are Harmonica and Blues Guitar. It won’t work with a Xylophone or Chimes, nor a Violin.
Can you sing the Blues? If: You are more than dirt; You’re blind. “shot a man in Memphis”It is You “can’t get no satisfaction”Please, you are a “Back Door Man”Your ex-wife left you to name your guitar for her best friend. Yes, but only if you are completely healthy. “once was blind but now can see”Memphis, Tennessee man who lived.
Blues does not refer to color. Bad luck is what it means. Tiger Woods is not able to sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. The blues also had an advantage over ugly white people. Blues is the answer to your water request if you get poisoned by your darlin’s. Ripple or Whiskey, Bourbon, Muddy Water and nasty black coffee are all acceptable Blues beverages. Perrier and Snapple aren’t Blues beverages.
A cheap motel, or any other place where death is possible. “rundown shack by a railroad track”, it’s a Blues death. Another Blues death is being stabbed in the back with a jealous lover. The electric chair, drug abuse (although it is not required), and lonely death on a cot that has been broken down are all possible options. If you are injured or die while performing liposuction, it is not possible to have a Blues Death.
Blues names suitable for women include Sadie, Hanna and Big Mama. Blues names that are appropriate for men include Joe, Willie and Joe-Willie as well as Little Willie and Big Willie. Muddy is also a possible name. Heather, Brittany Brittany, Brittany Brittany and Michelle aren’t able to sing the Blues regardless of how many Memphis men shoot.
You need to have a great Blues Singers Name if you wish to perform the blues. One may be adopted. Take the name of your physical disability (Blindness, Cripple or Lame) and add it to this. Next, add the name for a fruit to your list (Lemons, Cherry, Cherry, Tomato, etc.). The tomato is indeed a fruit. It’s also a good food. Add the last name (Johnson or Jefferson, Bush) to your list. Blind Melon Jefferson or Jakeleg Lemon Johnson would be examples. Killer Tomato Bush might also work. Perhaps Horny Cactus Clinton.).
After you’ve been dully indoctrinated into Blues singing, this is the perfect Blues tune for you:
“I got a woman never could be true”
“I got a woman she never could be true”
“plays jokes on me,
then hollers APRIL FOOL”.